How to Fix Your Relationship: Insights From a Therapist
There’s advice about how to fix your relationship everywhere — books, podcasts, social media, you name it. But when your relationship with your partner, husband, wife, or significant other actually feels strained or broken, all that advice can be overwhelming.
The truth is that many relationships can be repaired, but not with a single trick or universal formula. Fixing a relationship usually involves very honest reflection, open communication, and a willingness from both partners to understand what has gone wrong and what needs to change.
As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Clinical Psychologist, I’ve worked with many couples navigating a broken relationship. In this article, I’ll walk you through the most common reasons relationships break down, how to recognize when repair is possible, and practical steps you can take to restore connection.
Can a Broken Relationship Be Fixed?
A broken relationship can be fixed if both people genuinely want it to be.
Clients ask me this all the time when we first meet: Can therapy actually work? And often what they mean is — can we restore our relationship? Couples report that therapy has improved their relationship satisfaction. I’ve also seen this in my own practice when both partners truly want it to work.
When two people are willing to look honestly at what’s happening between them and make meaningful changes, repair is often possible. And sometimes the relationship becomes even better than it was before!
But if one partner is unsure or carrying doubts they haven’t fully acknowledged, repair becomes more complicated. That’s because effective relationship repair requires the same things from both people: attention, effort, self-awareness, accountability, and honesty.
Signs Your Relationship Needs Repair
If you’re searching for how to fix your relationship, you’re likely already sensing that something has shifted with you and your partner.Or you might be wondering if it was ever right to begin with.
Here are 10 common signs your relationship might need repair:
You have the same argument over and over without resolution
One or both of you avoid difficult conversations because they escalate too quickly
You feel more like roommates than romantic partners
Physical or emotional intimacy has significantly decreased
One or both of you has broken trust and/or violated major tenet of your relationship
One or both of you feels chronically misunderstood or unseen by the other
You find yourself turning to outside voices from friends, family, or social media more than each other
Your children are struggling with ongoing emotional or behavioral difficulties
One or both of you are dealing with personal emotional or behavioral struggles
You feel more relief when apart than when together
None of these signs automatically mean a relationship is beyond repair. However, they may signal that your relationship needs extra care and attention.
Common Reasons Relationships Break Down
Relationships break down for many reasons, and the ones below come up most often in my work with couples. These explanations are meant to be general — how they show up will always and significantly depend on you and your specific partner and relationship.
Communication breakdown - Communication problems are one of the most common dissatisfactions in relationships. This usually involves misunderstanding, difficulty seeing each other’s perspectives, or sometimes not even being clear about your own perspective. When communication breaks down, couples often end up arguing about the same issues without ever feeling truly understood.
Loss of trust - Trust is one of the most important foundations of a relationship. A relationship can begin to feel unstable or unsafe when trust is broken, whether through betrayal, dishonesty, or repeated disappointment.
Emotional distance - Maintaining emotional closeness isn’t always easy to maintain, even in relationships under relatively little stress. Sometimes distance develops so gradually that couples don’t even realize how far apart they’ve grown until the relationship already feels disconnected.
Unmet needs - People in relationships are often confused about their needs and what’s reasonable to expect from a significant other. What feels like “unmet needs” can sometimes come from the relationship itself, and sometimes from other areas of life that aren’t being addressed or realized.
Recurring conflicts - All couples have what a couple’s therapist calls perpetual issues. These are disagreements that show up again and again over time. When these conflicts repeat without repair or understanding, they can slowly and deeply wear down the relationship.
How to Fix Your Relationship: Practical Steps
General advice falls short for relationships that need repair because every relationship has unique personalities, histories, patterns, and pressures. What helps restore one couple’s relationship is rarely the exact formula that will repair another’s.
When considering how to fix your relationship, these practical steps can help.
Step one: Start with honest self-reflection
Many broken relationships are missing honest self-reflection. It's easy to get so focused on what the other person is or isn't doing that you lose sight of your own role in the relationship.
It’s crucial to get clear and honest with yourself and deepen your self-awareness in order to repair a relationship. This doesn’t mean blaming yourself or taking responsibility for everything that has gone wrong. It means being willing to look honestly at your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors within the relationship — and not seeing most or all of them as “reactions” to your significant other.
For example, you might say your partner never wants to connect with you, without realizing you haven’t been emotionally available or that your criticism has made it harder for them to come closer.
When to consider couples therapy:
People often come to couples therapy hoping their partner will become more honest or self-aware. But more often, the process reveals that both people benefit from slowing down, building self-awareness, and taking an honest look at their own experience in the relationship.
Step two: Create space for open, calm conversation
Many couples have a difficult time creating space for open and calm conversations. This is often because these skills were never learned or modeled, and because people respond to strong emotion very differently — some escalate, while others shut down.
A different kind of conversation usually requires both people to want it. You might want it, but that doesn’t mean your partner is on the same page. Try inviting them to talk about what a calm, open conversation would look and feel like for each of you, and what tends to get in the way. Then, see if you can troubleshoot those patterns together so conversations can start to feel safer and more productive.
When to consider couples therapy:
Therapy can help if you can’t manage to create and sustain open, calm conversations on your own. A therapist with experience helping couples communicate can help you identify what's getting in the way and build the skills to communicate more effectively.
Step three: Rebuild trust through consistent action
One of the most meaningful things you can do to rebuild trust is commit to open, calm communication — and follow through consistently. The process of learning and practicing these skills, supported by growing self-awareness, is an excellent trust builder worth acknowledging and celebrating when it happens.
As you move forward, you can begin looking more directly at what led to the broken trust in the first place. And now you'll be starting from a more stable and confident place. Together, you can determine consistent actions that will help rebuild trust. Whatever you commit to working on, following through consistently over time is the cornerstone of trust.
When to consider couples therapy:
If one or both of you have trouble naming, identifying, or agreeing on which actions are necessary to build trust and why, a therapist can help. Sometimes you’ve already tried to fix your relationship but struggle to maintain the consistency needed to sustain the repair process.
Step four: Address the root issue, not just the symptoms
The reason couples say they’re seeking help, which is what therapists often call the “presenting issue,” is not always the true root of the challenge. What you’re arguing about on the surface may not be the most core issue. For example, a couple arguing about whether the toothpaste cap was put back on might really be about something deeper, like feeling that the other person isn’t attentive or considerate.
Couples don’t always have to get to the root of every issue, but this can often create a recurring struggleIt’s a bit like treating the symptoms of an infection without addressing the source — you might keep taking antibiotics without ever fully resolving the problem.
Naming the root issue can be difficult because the deeper issue is often something sensitive, vulnerable, or hard to see clearly without the groundwork of the previous steps.
When to consider couples therapy:
You might consider couples therapy if you are struggling to identify what the root issue(s) actually is, if you and your partner disagree about whether one exists, or if you think there may be a deeper issue but aren’t sure how to explore it together.
Step five: Set healthy boundaries together
Boundaries are one of the most misunderstood concepts in relationships. They’re often interpreted as punishment or a way to shut someone out — and sometimes even weaponized as control. But healthy boundaries are actually meant to foster better connection and improve relationship quality. They also help protect both of you and your relationship.
Start by getting clear on how each of you understands boundaries, what you each need individually, and what you want to establish together as a couple. For example, you might agree not to have a heavy relationship talk immediately after work when one of you needs time to decompress, or to keep certain private matters between the two of you.
When to consider couples therapy:
You might consider couples therapy if you’re struggling to develop a shared understanding of healthy boundaries, maintain them within your relationship, or protect your relationship from outside pressures or influences.
Step six: Prioritize reconnection, not just resolution
It’s natural to want conflict to end or to want to “fix” it and move on. But when relationships feel broken, the need is often about more than just conflict resolution. Many couples are also longing for reconnection. Whether that looks like an earlier state of your relationship or something entirely new, reconnection becomes its own goal alongside repair.
Connection looks different for every couple, so it’s important to talk about what it actually means to each of you and how you’ll know when it’s present. For some, this might mean creating new ways to spend time together. For others, it might involve revisiting shared goals or bringing back small rituals that used to matter, like shared meals, walks, humor, affection, or simply being together without an agenda.
When to consider couples therapy:
You might consider couples therapy if you feel disconnected no matter what you try, or if one or both of you struggles to understand what reconnection would even look like. It can also help if you’re unsure whether you still want to feel connected to your partner.
When Only One Partner Is Trying to Fix Things
Meaningful relationship repair requires both people. If your partner isn't interested, open, or willing to engage, that's a painful place to be — and attempting to repair things alone can feel exhausting, confusing, and deeply lonely.
If you’re not already in individual therapy, this may be a time to consider it. When you’re trying to fix your relationship without your partner’s willingness, painful thoughts can come up. You may think: “Why am I not worth the effort?” or “Why doesn’t this relationship matter to them the way it matters to me?” Sitting with those questions alone can feel overwhelming. A therapist can help you process what you’re experiencing, clarify what you want, and support you as you navigate the uncertainty of the relationship.
When to Keep Working on It — and When to Let Go
It usually makes sense to keep working on your relationship if both you and your partner are willing to do the work and genuinely want the relationship to succeed. Repair is much more possible when both people are participating, even if progress feels slow or imperfect. Many relationships move through several difficult periods over time and still become stronger when both partners remain committed to understanding each other and growing together.
Deciding when to let go is far more complicated and deeply personal. No one can make that decision for you. The goal is to think clearly, reflect honestly, and feel empowered to choose what is healthiest for your life.
How to Fix Your Relationship: FAQs
How do I reset a relationship?
To reset a relationship, make sure you and your partner are on the same page and both have the same goal. From there, consider what parts of the relationship don’t need a reset (i.e., the parts that are going well) and what parts do (i.e. what needs support). From there, decide what additional support you’ll need along the way.
Can a relationship be fixed after trust is broken?
Relationships can sometimes be fixed after trust is broken, depending on how much both partners want the relationship to be fixed. This often depends on how substantial and meaningful an apology is, whether or not it was a first offense, and how long trust has felt broken.
How long does it take to repair a relationship?
It can take weeks, months, or years to repair a relationship. Often, the longer the relationship has felt broken or the problems have gone unaddressed, the longer it can take to repair. Most relationships go through periods of rupture and repair — that's not the same as being broken, even when it feels that way.
What if my partner/husband/wife won't go to couples therapy?
If your partner, husband, or wife won’t go to couples therapy, you might consider individual therapy first. This can help you process the situation, get clarity, and figure out how to move forward. You might also ask your partner, husband, or wife what they are willing to do to support the relationship if therapy isn’t an option for them.
Is my relationship broken or just going through a rough patch?
A broken relationship is not the same thing as a rough patch. People often assume that rough patches mean their relationship is broken, but that’s not always the case. However, consecutive rough patches can leave you feeling like your relationship is broken. This is an excellent conversation to have with your partner; Do you think our relationship is broken, or do you think we are going through a rough patch?
Can you restore a relationship after a breakup?
You can restore a relationship after a breakup if both of you want to. On-again, off-again relationships notoriously get a bad rap. But sometimes coming back together happens with insight and awareness that didn't exist the first time around, and I’ve supported many couples who have built something stronger because of this.
How to Fix Your Relationship: Conclusion
Repairing a relationship is rarely about finding one perfect strategy or following a universal set of rules. It’s about slowing down enough to understand what’s actually happening between you and your partner, and deciding what you want to do next, whether that’s together or on your own.
If you and your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, or significant other are working to repair or restore your relationship and feel stuck along the way, couples therapy can help create the space and structure needed to move forward. If you’d like support thinking through what’s happening in your relationship, I invite you to reach out to me. I’d be happy to help.